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(Mark 1:21-28) – They went to Capernaum; and when the sabbath came, he entered the synagogue and taught. They were astounded
at his teaching, for he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes. Just then there was in their synagogue
a man with an unclean spirit, and he cried out, "What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy
us? I know who you are, the Holy One of God." But Jesus rebuked him, saying, "Be silent, and come out of him!" And the unclean
spirit, convulsing him and crying with a loud voice, came out of him. They were all amazed, and they kept on asking one another,
"What is this? A new teaching – with authority! He commands even the unclean spirits, and they obey him." At once his
fame began to spread throughout the surrounding region of Galilee.
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My friend Jim Baugh is a clinical psychologist in Jackson, Mississippi, and he tells about one patient that's been with him
a long time. The guy's had a hard life, largely because he's really difficult to like. In fact, he downright obnoxious.
His personality is like chalk scratching on a blackboard. But he's got one uncanny trait. He can cut through the bull and
get to the truth instantly, sometimes brutally. During a group therapy session one of the members was complaining, "Things
are terrible. I’ve got big problems at work. I think I'm going to get fired. The other day I was in someone else's
cubicle, and I overheard my supervisor talking to his boss. He was talking about me; some kind of job evaluation, I think.
He talked about all the things he doesn't like about the way I'm doing my job. I'm afraid they're going to fire me."
The obnoxious guy piped up authoritatively. "You couldn't pay a hunnert dollars for that." "What?" asked the other. "You
couldn't pay money for that. Now you know what they don't like about what you're doing, but they don't know that you know.
All you've got to do is start doing what they want and you're slick. You couldn't pay a hunnert dollars for that." The effect
was instantaneous. "You're right," beamed the fellow who had been so upset. The whole situation had turned around. Now
he felt empowered. He went back to work, and he didn't lose his job.
In the synagogue at Capernaum, Jesus spoke with authority, and the unclean spirits came out of a man. That still happens
today. We bring our broken stuff in here to Jesus. We pray; we hear the authoritative gospel words of acceptance and forgiveness;
we are nurtured by the power of the life of Jesus in the body and blood of our shared communion; and often, the whole situation
turns around. We are empowered again. The same kind of thing happens in therapy and in spiritual direction. There are ways
that we can confront our unclean spirits with authority, and become healthier.
My psychologist friend Jim Baugh has a teaching that unmasks some of those unclean spirits that many of us live with. He
says there are five unrealistic expectations that we tend to inherit from our culture. From childhood we learn and internalize
these five unrealistic expectations:
If you want to know how to be successful, ...first, you must be perfect – make no mistakes. Second, you must also
be in a hurry. We run things by the clock and check to see how much we accomplished in a given time. Third, always be strong;
put up a front to hide any weakness that others might see. Fourth, if you expect others to like you, you must please them
first. When you keep others happy, they will flock to your door. Finally, if you expect to get anywhere, to be successful,
you must continually try harder in life.
(Jim Baugh, Accepted, but Unrealistic Expectations, a paper from his teaching
work. More thorough details of this material can be found in his book, Solution Training, Pelican Publishing, 1980.)
At first blush, these may sound like good qualities – be perfect, hurry up, be strong, please others, try hard –
but they are destructive expectations that create stress and disappointment.
Being perfect is mostly about feeling bad. I had an associate priest in another parish who knew that there were three women
in our congregation who didn't like him. No one knew any reasons, they just didn't like him. It was almost chemical. When
he preached, if any of those three were in the congregation, ninety percent of his energy and attention was on them and their
possible reaction. He might be preaching a completely competent sermon that was being well received by the rest of the congregation,
but if he got a scowl from one of these three, he was unnerved. He felt he had failed. Perfectionists are never satisfied.
You make a 99, and you focus on the one that you missed. Perfection is unrealistic. It's enough to be proficient. You can
work for excellence and accept sufficiency. Every situation has some degree of ambiguity in it, so instead of accenting the
negative, why not look for the positive? After all, mistakes are usually learning opportunities. And anything worth doing
is worth doing badly. Jim Baugh says, "Get it done any way you can." Don't be perfect. Just be proficient. God accepts
you as you are, not as some unrealistic perfect projection of yourself as you are not. Relax. God loves you absolutely.
I remember my first real job. It was in a University administration office. Instinctively I learned the first unspoken rule.
"Look busy." No one rewarded you for finishing your work promptly and reading a book at your desk. You'd better look busy.
Or in Jim Baugh's scheme, "hurry up." If you've ever lived in or visited an agrarian culture, you know how different the
sense of time is. Industrial cultures like ours are driven by the clock and by expectations of productivity. When we hurry
up, though, we tend to get anxious and agitated, to feel constant time pressure. Hurry, hurry, hurry. And when we hurry,
we don't stop to listen very well, do we? We tend to give a lot of attention to trivia. The antidote to "hurry up" is to
"Live in the present." Breathe. Speak slowly. Relax. Take time to enjoy. Take the extra time up-front to pay attention
to priorities and make the main thing the main thing. The only place where we can experience and know God is right here,
right now. Be present to God as God is in the present moment.
"Be strong" is Jim's third unclean spirit. Many of us were taught not to reveal our emotions. Our feelings may have been
discounted or controlled. Some of us have to practice to even become conscious of our feelings. I was taught that "big boys
don't cry." So from my adolescence I never shed a tear, until I saw my dad in his casket. I didn't cry again for at least
a decade. A healthier spirit is to "be open." Emotions just are; let them be. Tears are one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.
Feel whatever you are feeling, and be yourself. You don't need to be strong. God is strong. Just be open to life and to
yourself.
Some of us have been coached to please others, even when it means we ignore our own personal needs and wants. I know a parent
who is only happy if her child is happy. Her sense of well being at this time in her life is completely under the control
of an adolescent. As you might imagine, mom and teen are both pretty miserable much of the time. Respect yourself. You
can be a more effective giver if you have something to give because you've given healthy attention to your own needs. Take
responsibility for yourself, and set realistic boundaries. Realize the truth that you can't make anyone happy. Happiness
is an inside job. There are some things you can do for good. Then you can leave the rest of the universe in God's hands.
Jim's last piece of advice sounds odd. Don't try hard. Instead, just do it, he says. We often speak in the language of
unclear commitments: "I'll try, I want to, I should." Sometimes that's like giving ourselves permission to fail or to procrastinate.
"I tried hard." Or, "I've been thinking about it all week." (Like you've actually done something.) Don't try. Just focus
and do it. How often do you start another task before finishing the last? Do you catch yourself looking busy, overworked,
worried? Nothing much is happening, but at least I'm trying. Drop the word "try" says Jim. Say "I will" or "I won't."
Learn how to say "yes" and "no" and really mean it. Give yourself permission to do one task at a time. Finish it, rather
than prolonging the ordeal. "Make and follow a 'To do' list; stay on track in conversation, and pursue each idea to its conclusion,"
says Dr. Baugh. And he's the authority.
I'm betting every person in here has at least one of these five unclean spirits in your life. Do any of these make connections
for you? Do you find yourself driven by these five unrealistic expectations? Be perfect, hurry up, be strong, please others,
try hard. Hear the word of Jesus through the authority of Dr. Jim Baugh, rebuking these spirits and saying, "Be silent, and
come out of them!"
Instead of expecting perfection, it's enough to be proficient. Slow down. Live in the present. Be open; be vulnerable;
feel what you feel. Take care of yourself and be responsible for your own boundaries. Don't do things just to please others.
Just do what needs to be done. You don't have to try harder.
"What is this? A new teaching – with authority! He commands even the unclean spirits and they obey him." Bring your
unclean spirits to Jesus in prayer, and let his Good News of acceptance and forgiveness free you from your past; ...free you
from your habits. Let the living power of the resurrection nourish you in communion with his very life. Be free. Be proficient.
Live in the present. Be open. Respect yourself. Just do it.
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